Twelve Reasons Why I Can’t Go Out With You

This weekend, my wife brought in a beet from our garden.  Or should I say, she overwhelmed me with a beet from our garden?  The entire thing weighed in at over three pounds!  I wondered if the beet would be any good, as we’ve grown vegetables that large before, and sometimes they end up tasting woody.  I suspect she wondered too. 

For lunch, she steamed up all the greens, which tasted like Swiss Chard before she cooked them.  This took awhile, as only about half of the greens would fit in the steamer.  She added these to our Mexican leftovers, and we found them rather tasty.  While we ate, she cooked up the beet itself.  To my surprise, it was sweet and juicy, and we enjoyed some of it for dinner.  We don’t always pay all that much attention to our garden during the winter and spring.  Perhaps that was a good thing, as in this case, it provided us with a pleasant surprise.

That evening, my wife was going through some old papers, and she found some printouts of various quotes that had gotten passed around the Internet several years ago.  Included was a list I thought I would share with you.  Do you find yourself pestered by well-meaning admirers?  Are others trying to drag you into unwanted social obligations?  If you find yourself tongue-tied on such occasions, here are some possible responses.

Twelve Reasons Why I Can’t Go Out With You

I’d love to, but…

1)   I have to floss my cat.

2)   I’ve dedicated my life to linguini.

3)   I need to spend more time with my blender.

4)   It wouldn’t be fair to the other Beautiful People.

5)   It’s my night to pet the dog/ferret/goldfish.

6)   I’m going downtown to try on some gloves.

7)   I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.

8)   I’m going to the bakery to watch the buns rise.

9)   I have an appointment with a cuticle specialist.

10)  I have some really hard words to look up.

11)  I’ve got a “Friends of the Lowly Rutabaga” meeting.

12)  I promised to help a friend fold road maps.

Excuse me?  What’s that, Pocket?

Pocket: "I'm starting a "Daleks Dedicated To Delectable Beets" group.

Well, there you go.  Whether you’re a human, a Dalek, or some other kind of intelligent life form, it always pays to be adaptable, and be ready with a snappy comeback.

Dragon Dave