In his novel The Stars in Shroud, Gregory Benford portrays an interstellar empire run by Earth. The society is stabilized by its caste system, and by a religious practice known as Sabal. The former serves to ground people: they know where they belong. Through the latter, a role-playing game that rebukes personal gain and celebrates cooperation, the empire (also known as Fleet) keeps people satisfied with their place in society. Yet there will always be those who do not easily fit into their defined roles. One is the starship captain Ling, whose extraordinary aptitude, work ethic, and devotion to Sabal have enabled him to rise far higher than most of his minority racial heritage known as ofkaipan. Another is his second-in-command, Tonji, who has developed a network of connections within Fleet to ensure that he reaches the very top of the hierarchy. Within this society, these two very different men--one a patriot of skill and learning, the other driven by personal ambition—do not fit easily into their assigned roles. Thus, when the Quarn plague incapacitates most of humanity, Ling only suffers from it for a time, while Tonji proves immune to this devastating psychological disease.
Before Ling takes his ship to Regeln, where they will transport the infected colonists back to Earth, he discusses the crew’s state of mind with Tonji. Fleet has lost many ships, and their own, a transport, has been hastily outfitted with weaponry. This does nothing to help the crew adjust to the new situation. As Dr. Benford writes: “Men take longer to adjust. Most of them were still nervous and edgy about the changes. They were suddenly oraku, warrior status. “ Or, as Ling argues with Tonji, “These are traditional men. They can’t take a sudden change of role.”
Opposed to them are the Quarn race, about which little is known. “Hermitlike, they offered little and accepted less. Privacy extended to everything for them; we still had no clear idea of their physical appearance. Their meetings with us had been conducted with only a few individual negotiators.” Yet, despite their fierce individualism, the Quarn unite to fight humanity. Earth’s colonization of space grinds to a halt as Fleet prepares for war, the first it has been forced to fight in three centuries.
Most societies stress the needs of the group over those of the individual. Governments need patriots, Churches need dedicated lay people, and all the organizations that fit between the two, whether armies or businesses or clubs, need capable people to fulfill all manner of roles. Yet it is possible to believe too strongly in the good of the group. Extended obedience to the mantra, “Think not of yourself, but only of others,” can leave one dependent upon the group for one’s well-being. It is a situation I found myself in, which eventually led me to leave the Anglican Church.
As I mentioned in “Your Personal Altar Part 1,” Ling’s own state of mind while he traveled to Regeln was anything but ideal. “I looked across the small cabin at my kensdai altar. I knew I was losing control of myself too often and not directing the conversation the way I wanted. I focused on the solid, dark finish of the wood that framed the altar, feeling myself merge with the familiarity of it. Focus down, let the center flow outward.” While Tonji, driven by personal ambition, shrugs off Ling’s worries, Ling’s concern for the crew drives him to organize a game of Sabal. In so doing, he seeks to unite them, and to ease them into their new status as oraku, or warrior. Yet what about Ling’s own needs? What about his own lapses of control?
I was always a dedicated churchgoer. I believed in suppressing my perceived needs for the goal of uplifting those around me. Yet, as I grew older, I found myself increasingly ill-at-ease in churches. I went full but left empty. I sought to contribute to others, yet felt increasingly incomplete. I found myself ruled by emotions beyond my control, subject to fears inflated beyond all measure, suffering from depression and isolation amid the community that should have provided all my needs.
Like Ling, I felt myself drifting, searching, and alone. I left one church for another, and for a while, hope and novelty sustained me. Eventually, I realized that I could no longer find fulfillment and belonging in Church. What had caused this change? How could whatever had broken inside me be mended?
This essay will conclude in Your Personal Altar Part 3.
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