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| An Illuminating Novel |
Do you ever feel lost, as if no one understands you, and
that you don’t understand how you arrived at this juncture in your
life? Somewhere along the way, did you
veer off the path you should have taken?
Is it possible to return to your true path now, or are you utterly,
irretrievably lost?
As yesterday’s blog might have indicated, I’d really like to
attend Worldcon and Dragoncon. (I’ve
attended one Worldcon, but have yet to attend Dragoncon). Of the two, perhaps Worldcon might best fit
my interests, for above everything else I yearn to find people among whom I can
share my thoughts and reflections about the science fiction and fantasy stories
I love.
For whatever reason, I don’t work well in crowds,
and have never found the friends in fandom I have sought. Nor do I have a good way of introducing
myself. Although I’ve written several
novels, I’ve only finished my first, and I’ve lost faith in that story. I would have to do lots of work before I
could regain my previous belief in its salability. (So I guess it’s not really finished
either). But even if I had a manuscript,
and was ready to submit it, I know I wouldn’t elbow my way through the crowds
that besiege every book editor in order to demand his or her attention.
I’m currently nearing completion of the first draft of my
second dragon novel. (At least I think I
am!) Although I’ve performed a
line-by-line spelling and grammar edit on the first, I felt I needed to write the sequel before I could evaluate the concepts involved in the first and make some
basic story decisions, such as the level of development (industrial, scientific,
technological) in several different cultures.
Also, I’m trying to mix fantasy elements like dragons and magic with
science fiction concepts like physics and real-world technology. Writing this
second novel is helping me better understand dragon culture in my fantasy
world, and so I hold out hope that when I finish it, I can take a look at the
first novel with fresh eyes and make some sound story choices.
Working this way, with only my instincts and rationale to
guide me, is difficult. Sometimes I
yearn for others’ insight. Yet I’m not
comfortable with critique groups. I’ve
participated in them in the past, and while the other writers could tell me how
they might write their version of my novel, their suggestions never helped me
make those final, crucial, story decisions.
So I struggle on, with only my muse to guide me, because that’s all I
have.
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| Caution: Artist at Work! |
Right now, I feel like the cat in two recent Wondermark
comics by David Malki ! The cat feels
lost at this point in his life, and even his owner has given up on him. So I look to the Watcher, in Robert
Silverberg’s Nightwings, for hope. Even
though the Watcher has stopped believing in himself, he continues doing what
he’s always believed is right.
Eventually, his refusal to give up, to abandon his beliefs and
practices, is vindicated. But even after
he wins back his self-respect, he still struggles to find the ultimate meaning
of his existence.
Like the cat in the Wondermark comics, I worry that all my
efforts have been for naught. I know so
many others have stopped believing in me.
Like the Aztecs, I fear that I shall live forever in darkness. Yet, like the Watcher, I choose to believe I
can resolve the problems before me, and make those final, crucial story
choices. So I continue on, in search of
the dawn.
Dragon Dave
Related Dragon Cache entries
Related Wondermark Comics
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