Outside Emmanuel college, some students ambushed us with their soppy hard luck stories about how taking a ride in the River Cam could help them pay for their education. I couldn't help if but wonder at the veracity of their claims. I mean, tuition at one of England's top two university towns can't be all that expensive, right?
There's a debate going on regarding education these days. Some authorities maintain that all students are evil. The rest maintain that most, while not villains, are nonetheless capable of blending facts and lies to their advantage. However one may categorize the students at Cambridge, they convinced us to take their tour with their "cheap" prices. Then they led us astray, or at least down to Garret Hostel Bridge. There we joined a group of other gullible tourists from exotic locales like Spain and India.
While we waited to board our vessel, a gentleman from a nearby pub hawked his "authorized" (and more expensive) tours. He also informed us that, by consorting with "unregistered" students, we were technically breaking the law. Leave it to a pub owner to dispense the truth about the evil students' activities with such kindness. Still, aside from assaulting us with his honesty, he left us to our wicked ways. Soon we boarded our simple wooden vessel, and the students launched us out onto the Cam.
Bridges spanning the River Cam range from functional to stunning. Many boast a fascinating history. One of our tour guide's anecdotes, regarding Clare Bridge, proved especially memorable.
The student, who supposedly finished his undergraduate degree at Brighton University, told us that builders had left one of the ornamental stone balls along the rails chipped. This subterfuge left the bridge unfinished in the eyes of the law, which helped the then bridge owners pay less than their fair share of taxes to the crown. That's the problem with consorting with students. Pretty soon, you're falling prey to their evil, cheating ways.
Doctor Who fans will find another anecdote about Clare Bridge equally interesting. As the Doctor and his companion Romana punted along the Cam in the story "Shada", they were unexpectedly whisked off to Gallifrey (and the story interrupted by another story, "The Five Doctors") by the evil Lord President. Once the Doctor (in all five incarnations) defeated the Lord President of Gallifrey, the Timelords returned him and Romana to their wooden boat on the Cam. They did this so expertly that we see no visual sign of their re-emergence in time in "Shada." Having said all that, we do see the Doctor, a centuries old Timelord who has amassed unimaginable knowledge on every conceivable subject, and mastered countless skills, suddenly lose his grip on his pole, and nearly fall into the water as he passes beneath Clare Bridge. So even the Doctor can get unsettled by unexpected trips through time, especially when directed by evil Timelords.
Of course, I've heard the rumor that actor Tom Baker refused to take punting lessons the day before filming his boating scenes for "Shada", figuring he could operate a punt without training. Personally, I have no time for rumors these days, especially ones that defame any actor who played in Doctor Who. Rumormongering is evil, and the virtuous man has nothing to do with them.
Dragon Dave
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