“Die Hard and Rise Up, Literally”
When a scientific experiment in one of the colleges at Oxford goes wrong, the dead of England rise from their graves. John McClane and his new wife Penny are worshipping in Westminster Abbey when zombies push up through the floor. Kings Edward I, III, IV, and Edward the Confessor argue amongst themselves as to who was the best king, and break into a sword fight with Kings Henry III, V, and VII. George the Second and James the First take on William Gladstone and William Pitt, arguing that the monarchy usually did a better job of governing England than the politicians ever did. Elizabeth the First pleads with John to incinerate her fellow undead monarchs with a flame thrower, arguing that the current order of Elizabeth II and those in the Houses of Commons and Lords will never be safe if the zombie royals leave the Abbey.
Unfortunately, Security confiscated John's flame thrower at Heathrow Airport.
Meanwhile Penny, a literature professor, heads off to Poets Corner, where she argues with such notables as Geoffrey Chaucer, Charles Dickens, and Rudyard Kipling on the nature of man (such as, can a zombie feel, reason, and interact with others like the living). But Charles Darwin sticks his nose in, arguing that zombies are older (hence wiser), and cannot be killed as easily as the living. Thus, they represent the pinnacle of natural selection. They shout such arguments at each other, while Muzio Clementi plays a selection of his favorite sonatas, and then George Frideric Handel takes over, leading a choir of tourists and the undead in a production of “The Messiah.”
John tears himself away from Elizabeth I when, over the racket caused by the choir (zombies can't carry a tune to save their existence), he hears a strange, wheezing sound. A blue box appears, and from it steps a cheerful man with dark hair cut in Beatles-style 1960s. "Brigadier, I've already explained how the Time Lords brought us to Gallifrey, along with my other four incarnations," he tells the dignified, gray-haired man who follows him out. "It's called a Time Paradox."
John McClane grabs the man. "How'd you get here, in that?" he asks.
The man shakes his head with sad eyes and a tired smile. "My good man, I've just been...." He kneels to feel the broken stone floor. "Oh no! Oh my! Can you feel that?" He looks around, sees all the zombies arguing, fighting, and singing. He points to the pillars and ceiling, which are shaking. "The sound level is too loud. Westminster Abbey is about to collapse!" He grabs John and Penny, and the four disappear inside the strange blue box. Then, with a flashing light, and a wheezing sound no one else notices, the box disappears.
Given the current popularity of zombies, as well as the British TV show "Doctor Who," you might think that this movie is a no-brainer. But somehow the Queen heard about it during the preproduction stage, and called to tell the Die Hard producers that she was not amused. Apparently, when it comes to Westminster Abbey, she can be quite peculiar.
Dragon Dave
Related Dragon Cache entries
Where Church and State are One: Part 1
Unfortunately, Security confiscated John's flame thrower at Heathrow Airport.
Meanwhile Penny, a literature professor, heads off to Poets Corner, where she argues with such notables as Geoffrey Chaucer, Charles Dickens, and Rudyard Kipling on the nature of man (such as, can a zombie feel, reason, and interact with others like the living). But Charles Darwin sticks his nose in, arguing that zombies are older (hence wiser), and cannot be killed as easily as the living. Thus, they represent the pinnacle of natural selection. They shout such arguments at each other, while Muzio Clementi plays a selection of his favorite sonatas, and then George Frideric Handel takes over, leading a choir of tourists and the undead in a production of “The Messiah.”
John McClane grabs the man. "How'd you get here, in that?" he asks.
The man shakes his head with sad eyes and a tired smile. "My good man, I've just been...." He kneels to feel the broken stone floor. "Oh no! Oh my! Can you feel that?" He looks around, sees all the zombies arguing, fighting, and singing. He points to the pillars and ceiling, which are shaking. "The sound level is too loud. Westminster Abbey is about to collapse!" He grabs John and Penny, and the four disappear inside the strange blue box. Then, with a flashing light, and a wheezing sound no one else notices, the box disappears.
Given the current popularity of zombies, as well as the British TV show "Doctor Who," you might think that this movie is a no-brainer. But somehow the Queen heard about it during the preproduction stage, and called to tell the Die Hard producers that she was not amused. Apparently, when it comes to Westminster Abbey, she can be quite peculiar.
Dragon Dave
Related Dragon Cache entries
Where Church and State are One: Part 1
No comments:
Post a Comment