Sunday, February 17, 2013

Some Missed Opportunities to Die Hard: Part 3

This weekend, "A Good Day to Die Hard," starring Bruce Willis as John McClane, arrives in cinemas.  I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to the fifth installment in the venerable Die Hard franchise.  When I go see it, maybe I'll tell you what I thought of it.  (Then again, maybe I won't.  I'm funny like that).  In the meantime, here's one last discarded story concept that the movie producers shared with me.  


“Die Hard in the 25th Century” 
John McClane, cryogenically frozen before he died, awakens five hundred years from now.  The Earth has been ravaged by nuclear war, and humanity lives in domed cities, controlled by intelligent computers such as Dr. Theopolis.  John is attracted to the beautiful Wilma Deering, but before he can ask her out on a date, the glamorous Princess Ardala arrives with her Draconian invasion fleet.  Ardala demands that John marry her, or she will destroy the Earth in twelve hours.  John gathers Wilma, Dr. Theopolis, and Dr. Elias Huer for a quick huddle, and they discuss how he might sneak explosives aboard Ardala’s flagship without her bodyguard Tigerman sniffing them out.  While they're working on a plan, the TARDIS materializes, and the Doctor steps out.  “John, you’re creating a Fictional Paradox,” he declares.  

John groans.  "Oh great, not you again."  

The Doctor smiles wide, and clasps his hands.  "I have a way of popping up in the most unexpected places, don't I?"

John flees the city with his friend, the robot drone Twiki.  Armed with a laser pistol and a few explosives, can they evade the Doctor, the Earth police, and turn aside the Draconian fleet, without angering fans of “Doctor Who,” or Glen Larson’s beloved TV series, “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century?”

And will John ever get that date with Wilma Deering?


In addition to acquiring all the various rights, the producers also had difficulty in persuading Bruce Willis to don Buck Rogers' famous white jumpsuit.  But the producers had even more trouble with Twiki.  In addition to his famous catch-phrase, "Bedeep, bedeep, bedeep," the waist-high robot drone insisted that he be allowed to say, "Yippie-kay-yay, John McClane!" 

Suffice it to say, Bruce Willis was not amused.

Dragon Dave

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