Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts

Monday, January 25, 2016

Saying Good-Bye to Long John Silvers


In my teens, I discovered a restaurant called Long John Silvers. That first time I was attending a district meeting for my denomination, and my fellow representatives of my local church chose to dine at Long John Silvers. Although I never had a particular liking for fish, I discovered that I really loved the fried fish at Long John Silvers. After that, whenever I traveled, and had the opportunity to dine at Long John Silvers, I did so. I realized I liked all their offerings, including the shrimp, the clams, the hush puppies, and the fries. Every place does fries differently, and I really enjoyed how the LJS fries tasted. 

When my wife and I moved to our present house, one of the attractions was that there was a Long John Silver in the neighborhood. We enjoyed dining there for a year or so, and got to know most of the people who worked there. The chain did a children's meal tie-in with the big budget Hollywood movie "Lost In Space" during that time, and when the promotion finished, one of the workers gave me the LJS/Lost In Space T-shirt the staff had worn during that period. Unfortunately, after a year or so of operation, the chain went into bankruptcy, and one of the measures they used to save the company involved shutting down my local restaurant.

Still, I wore that black LJS/Lost In Space shirt for years, and dined at other Long John Silvers whenever circumstances allowed.



Recently, I've found it difficult to find a good Long John Silvers that I really enjoyed eating at. Sometimes the food is greasy. Sometimes the prices are too high. For the last two years, my wife and I have traveled out to the restaurant in El Cajon every month or so. Sure, there's a Wal-Mart out there, and a comic book store, and other places we can stop that make the trip worthwhile, but really, that long drive, out there and back, was all about the fish.

The fact is that the manager at that Long John Silvers always made sure the food was cooked well. The fish was rarely greasy or dried. But the meals grew increasingly expensive. For a fast food restaurant, you ought to be able to get a filling meal for six or seven dollars per person, maximum. But the chain has adopted a policy of pricing all the menu items far higher than they should be. They offer coupons on their website, which brings the price down. But then if you add something to your meal, up rockets the price again. The manager of the El Cajon store has also adopted a strange policy of refusing to give you a plate unless you order a meal with two side items. What? You dared order a combo, that only comes with one side item? Sorry! You're not entitled to a plate!



So, when we planned our trips out there, we brought our own plates with us. We typically used coupon deals, and bought less food than we would have liked, simply because they charged too much to go off-coupon. The portions of the side items were never generous, but they were usually adequate. This last time, however, our portions of fries looked particularly skimpy. The crumbs that come with the fish have always been free, but the manager had loaded up the container with crumbs. When I pulled out the crumbs, and took my container up to the desk, the manager insisted that she had weighed my side order, had given me a full two ounces of fries, and refused to give me a few more. This irritated my wife, who has no great love for Long John Silvers, has put up with the plate nonsense, and driven me the twenty miles or so each way for so long to get me the food I enjoy. And let's face it, two ounces really isn't a lot for a side item. Especially when you consider that the menu price for a side of fries is two dollars. So my wife complained about this all during the meal, which made it possible to forget how the manager had treated us. She also refused to let me eat any of my portion of fries, so that I could take it home, weigh it, photograph it, and share my experience online. As a result, I left the restaurant still hungry, and deeply disappointed.

Sadly, my suspicions were confirmed when I returned home. The fries in my basket only weighed one-and-a-half ounces, not the requisite two.

If you love a restaurant or a chain, you should frequent it, and support it, as often as you can. Not only have I done this, but I've also given them my feedback in numerous surveys. Unfortunately, the manager of this restaurant, by her actions, and the chain, by its failure to manage policies and people effectively, have made it clear that their last concern is guest satisfaction. So while I still love Long John Silvers, it seems that, going forward, I must choose different restaurants to frequent and support. Restaurants that care not just about serving good food at reasonable prices, but also about making my dining experience as pleasant as possible. 

Good-bye, Long John Silvers. I loved you once, but sadly, no more.

Dragon Dave

Friday, December 19, 2014

Rainstorms and Rice Krispy Squares


Last week, a storm blew through San Diego, replacing my normal sunny weather with two days of rain. On the second day, when I brought my lunch plate into the kitchen, I noticed the rain had stopped, but it looked as though my back yard sat amid a cloud. The subdued light brought out all the colors in my back yard, so I thought I'd share them with you.


Then I made up my dessert: tapioca pudding mixed with wheat bran and topped with whip cream, apple slices, a Rice Krispy square with candy corn, and a small handful of Cookie Crisp cereal. I'd share them with you, but if you're interested in the Rice Krispy squares, you'd better hurry. They're going quick.

Dragon Dave

Friday, December 12, 2014

Breaking Out the Christmas Plates


Red: I'm glad you finally decided to break out the Christmas plates. They make Master's breakfast look so colorful and Red, Red RED!
Christmas Tree: Yes, and my olfactory sensors are overloading on the aroma from this apple fritter.



Red: Look! Master was so overwhelmed with our breakfast, he gave us this little squash to share, after we cook the big one for him.
Christmas Tree: That's the holiday spirit for you. It promotes generosity, and Exterminates, Exterminates, EXTERMINATES selfishness!



Red: My only concern is that Master is eating too healthy. Aside from this half-burger, his plate is loaded with vegetables.
Christmas Tree: Yes, as our purpose is to Exterminate, Exterminate, EXTERMINATE humans, this poses some difficulty.
Red: Perhaps we should seek to Dominate, Dominate, DOMINATE him instead.
Christmas Tree: Good plan. How can we achieve our objective?



Red: By overwhelming him with holiday sweets and treats?
Christmas Tree: Excellent plan. I think he'll find this cranberry white chocolate cookie an overwhelming temptation. By the time we've finished with him, he'll be our devoted slave.
Red & Christmas Tree: Enslave all Humans! Appeal to their weaknesses, and by New Years Day, we shall be the MASTERS OF EARTH!!!
Christmas Tree: Before we serve this cookie, do you think Master would mind if we had a nibble?
Red: I don't see why not. It's not as if one small flavor assessment could lead us, the superior species, to devour the entire cookie.

Red & Christmas Tree Dalek

Friday, November 21, 2014

Daleks Clash Over Black Bean Nachos


Iron Dalek: There, I've finished chopping the yellow chili. Now we just have to wait for the black beans to finish cooking in the crockpot. You need some help with the limes?
Hulk: No! Hulk like smashing limes. Hulk like watching the lime juice wash down the sides of the juicer. Hulk like--
Iron Dalek: Okay, I get it. You're having a good time. I think I'll let you take the lead in the next phase of tonight's dinner.


Iron Dalek: So, are enjoying smashing the black beans?
Hulk: Hulk like smashing black beans. Hulk like pulverizing cooked beans into pulp. Hulk like beating little black beans into--
Iron Dalek: Okay, why don't we adopt a less violent vocabulary?
Hulk: Puny Iron Brain afraid I crush you into pulp too?
Iron Dalek: No, but I'd prefer that you drop the insults and inflammatory language.


Iron Dalek: There, I've got Master's chips laid out across the plate, melted the shredded cheese on the chips, then spread out the refried beans in an even layer, covering every chip.
Hulk: Mistress likes beans in center of plate, topped with cheese, and surrounded by chips.
Iron Dalek: I admit that's aesthetically pleasing, but personally I applaud Master's efficiency. His methodology ensures each chip gets its share of beans and cheese.
Hulk: Mistress' way is better. Her chips don't get soggy, and chips easier to handle without a fork.


Iron Dalek: There, that's Mistress' nachos done. Now, for Master's plate, we need to add more chopped lettuce, and two additional spoonfuls of salsa.
Hulk: Master's method obscures the chips, and covers too much of beautiful green lettuce in nasty red sauce!
Iron Dalek: Hey, watch what you say about the red salsa. Besides, I think we can agree to disagree here. Master and Mistress each like their Black Bean Nachos served differently. Why should we clash over their preferences?
Hulk: Because we're superheroes, and we fight for what we believe is right! Puny Iron Dalek just afraid Hulk will smash him!
Iron Dalek: I am not afraid! I will demolish you for saying that! I will pulverize you! I will exterminate, Exterminate, EXTERMINATE YOU!
Hulk: Hulk agree to your challenge, but first, we serve dinner. Hulk not want to ruin the aesthetics of Mistress' plate.
Iron Dalek: COWARD!!!

Hulk & Iron Dalek


Wednesday, October 15, 2014

The Invasion of Poipu Burgers


Denim: What? Twenty-Five Miles Per Hour? It's Lunch Time! Order Mistress to put her foot down!
Pocket: I'd better not. Poipu is a notorious speed trap, and the Police track vehicles by lasers.
Denim: You mean by radar?
Pocket: No, the sign said by lasers.
Denim: The Police on Kauai sure are high-tech. I'd applaud such inventiveness if it wasn't delaying our lunch!


Denim: Say, this place looks promising.
Pocket: Yeah, we might even find authentic Hawaiian cuisine here.


Denim: Mistress' Teriyaki Chicken Burger looks good.


Pocket: I'm sure Master will enjoy his Kalua Pork Burger. Since I've removed the raw onions, it's even safe for him to eat it.
Denim: You know, we should dip into our savings, and surprise Master & Mistress with a special dessert.
Pocket: Yeah, we should be completely selfless in our generosity.


Denim: Well, there it is: the Kilohana Crater. I suppose we had better taste it, to make sure it is worthy of their sophisticated palate.
Pocket: You know, I thought Master explained us well to the waitress.
Denim: Except for the fact that she kept calling us Darleks.
Pocket: And she said we looked like mice! Can you believe it?
Denim: Sir, can we discuss this later? The ice cream's melting!
Pocket: All right, I'll grab the spoons.

Pocket & Denim Dalek

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

The Perfect Hawaiian Breakfast



Denim: Thanks for inviting me to come see the sunrise.
Pocket: I'm glad you enjoyed it, but we'd better head back to the room. We need to get breakfast started.



Denim: You know, the ancient Polynesians speared fish, and Hawaiians still catch them and eat them. Do you think Master & Mistress would like fish for breakfast?
Pocket: If you want to catch one and clean it, I'll fry it up.
Denim: Sure, let me just grab a stick, and I'll pop one out of the water. Then I'll give it a good scrub down with soap and water.
Pocket: No, by cleaning the fish, I mean prepare it for cooking. You'll want to cut it in half, scoop out the guts, pick out all the bones, and--
Denim: Uh, now that I think of it, we've got eggs for an omelet.



Denim: Say, weren't the ancient Polynesians related to the French?
Pocket: Don't even make the suggestion!



Denim: According to Master's book of Hawaiian Myth and Legend, the ancient Polynesians used to cut giant papayas in half. Then they'd scoop out the middle, use the seeds for ammunition in their blowguns, and use the papaya halves as canoes.
Pocket: I thought they made their canoes out of wood?
Denim: They did later on, but only after they ran out of giant papayas. 
Pocket: That's too bad. A papaya canoe would be easier to make, and provide food for long sea journeys.




Denim: I read that when they were real hungry, the ancient Hawaiians also caught butterflies and ate them.
Pocket: I suppose their favorite butterflies were chocolate-covered ones with colored sprinkles.
Denim: How did you guess?


Denim: There you have it. An omelette using eggs from Kauai's wild chickens, half a papaya, a chocolate-and-cream-filled butterfly, and tea brewed from tea bags brought to Hawaii by the world famous Captain Cook. The perfect traditional Hawaiian breakfast.
Pocket: I'm going to have to read Master's book on Hawaiian myth and legend. It sounds real interesting.

Denim & Pocket Dalek

Friday, September 19, 2014

The Dalek Twinkie Challenge


Spider-Dalek: Okay, I'm here. Why have I been summoned?
Artist: You're here to declare that the best Twinkies have blue filling.
Rusty: How dare you put words in his mouth! The best Twinkies are clearly red inside.
Spider-Dalek: So this is what all the fuss is about?
Denim: It's an important determination. After all, part of my job is to assist Pocket in putting together meals and desserts for Master and Mistress. While I'm completely unbiased, it seems to me that the superior Twinkie must have blue filling.
Captain Scarlet: As I'm the only commissioned officer currently serving in the Dalek military, I order you all to accept that the best Twinkies are red inside! Red! Red! Red!
Rex: Blue! Blue! Blue!
Spider-Dalek: Oh, very well. As I have a stake in both arguments, I suppose I should serve as a mediator in this dispute. Pinky, as you're our gentlest, classiest Dalek, perhaps you could state your side's position.



Pinky: Thanks for the complement, dear. Our position is simple. Our Twinkies have a mild and gentle flavor that remind one of the original Twinkie, yet have a flavor all their own. And let's face it: many people don't like the more tart varieties of berries, but everyone likes strawberries.
Red: Yeah, right! And I must add, after a long, hard afternoon assembling Lego kits, strawberries make the perfect afternoon treat.
Spider-Dalek: Well stated, Pinky. And yes, Red, thank you for that too. Blueberry, as you're named after an actual berry, perhaps you should summarize your colleagues' position.



Blueberry: Ah, ahem, thank you for asking my opinion. I must say that you've always struck me as a very astute Dalek. While I would agree with our dear Pinky that the Blue Raspberry filling has a stronger flavor, I must point out that even strawberries can be tart if they're picked too soon. This blue flavor is in no way tart or disagreeable. If anything, it's more of a good thing in each bite.
Blue: Yeah, rock on, Blueberry!
Spider-Dalek: Yes, well…as I found both positions persuasive, I suppose I must now take on the solemn duties of a judge, and examine each side's evidence.



Spider-Dalek: The blue and pink fillings both look and smell wonderful. I think I'll have to sample both, so I can rule on the flavor of each. Hmm. It could take some time for me to reach a determination. It's possible I may even need to taste both halves of each Twinkie.
Blueberry: Uh, excuse me, did you say both halves of each Twinkie?
Pinky: Don't you think that's going a bit far, dear?
Spider-Dalek: Well, you do want me to make an informed decision, and such such important matters should never be rushed, or investigated by half-measures.



Pocket: Hmm, aside from a few cake crumbs, there's no sign of whatever stirred up such a ruckus earlier. Whatever it was, it couldn't have been that important, certainly not in comparison with what Master & Mistress just brought home. I'm looking forward to tasting these new chocolate-covered Twinkies. I'll bet they're the best Twinkies ever!

Spider-Dalek, Pocket, and the red and blue Twinkie-loving Daleks

Friday, September 12, 2014

Hulk Like Smashburgers


Hulk: Smashburger? Hulk like name of restaurant. Hulk look forward to dinner!


Hulk like philosophy of restaurant. Smashing is better! But Smashfact wrong: Hulk no need sidekick. Hulk smash well on his own!


Hulk: Oh, you again. Hello, Bug Dalek. What you here for?
Spider-Dalek: That's Spider-Dalek, and I thought I'd tag along. You know, be your zany sidekick for the evening.
Hulk: This not your kind of restaurant. Bug Dalek should go home. Not safe for you: might get smashed accidentally.


Spider-Dalek: Again, it's Spider-Dalek, not Bug Dalek. And you don't need to worry about me. I may be zany, and fast with the odd quip, but I can take care of myself. Besides, these fries remind me of swish-swish…you know, what I do.
Hulk: Hulk no understand swish swish, but he no want Bug Dalek to do it near food.
Spider-Dalek: No, that's Spider… Anyway, I'm talkin' about my web shooters, man! You may smash criminals, but with my grace and élan, I just go swish swish with my gun, and gift wrap the criminals in my clingy webs, ready for the police to pick up.
Hulk: Hulk say no swish swish around food!
Spider-Dalek: Yeesh! Okay!
  

Spider-Dalek: Well, that was one great dinner. I must say, I think I did better on my end of the tray. Look at all the fries I'm taking home.
Hulk: Bug Dalek wrong. Hulk like burger so much he demolish it in one sitting. Nothing left to take home.
Spider-Dalek: Hulk, what's wrong? You just said three complete sentences without "smash" in them.
Hulk: Hulk smart. Consult thesaurus. Hulk like to read, maybe write his stories some day. 
Spider-Dalek: I'm impressed. I never guessed at your literary aspirations. That's great! Maybe you could start off with short stories. You know, the kind Master reads. Who knows? You might be the next Robert Silverberg, or Roger Zelazny.
Hulk: Hulk not sure, but think Bug Dalek being complimentary. That good. Hulk sated, not feel like smashing Bug Dalek tonight.

Hulk & Spider-Dalek

Friday, August 8, 2014

Why Astronauts Go Heavy On The Sauce

Stan: I hope you've enjoyed this morning's tour of Space Center Houston. 
Rusty: Oh, I have! Now I want to be an astronaut more than ever!
Stan: That's the spirit! I've certainly enjoyed my space missions, and I'm sure you will too, once you become astronauts. So shall we sign you both up for memberships in our program?
Rusty: Absolutely!
Artist: Uh, I guess so.




Stan: Great! While my staff processes the paperwork, let's enjoy a typical astronaut meal in the food court. Astronauts love freeze-dried poultry pieces preserved in seasoned batter, and sections of fried vegetable matter ready for dipping. Not only are they incredibly healthy, but they're also easy and fun to consume in zero gravity.



Rusty: My olfactory senses detect flavor-packed aromas. Why so many sauces, Stan?
Stan: It's an unfortunate fact that the vacuum of space deadens an astronaut's taste buds. 
Artist: Ouch!
Stan: Don't worry: it's not painful, and their appreciation for food returns when they get back to Earth. But while in space, astronauts rely on dipping sauces like ketchup, barbecue sauce, honey-mustard, and Red Hot Breathe-Fire-Like-A-Dragon to enhance the flavors of their food.
Artist: Astronauts already endure rigorous schedules, years of preparations, and long periods away from friends and loved ones. I'm not sure I'd want to go into space if it also lessened my ability to appreciate the nutrients I ingest. 
Stan: Are you sure? Space travel is too cool to miss. 
Rusty: Yeah, and besides, dipping sauces are fun.



Artist: I suppose you're right. What's one more sacrifice, when the rewards could be so great? Okay, sign me up for membership in the space program.



Stan: Congratulations you two! You're now official members of Space Center Houston. That'll be seventy-six bucks apiece.
Rusty: Hey, I thought membership only cost $26 per person!
Stan: Yes, but then you have to add on fifty bucks for "Lunch with an Astronaut."
Artist: Oh nice! And you said dipping sauces were fun!
Rusty: They are!

Artist & Rusty Daleks, and Stan the Cyberman

Friday, April 25, 2014

The Curious Disappearance of the Marshmellow Peep


Blue Bird: Go on, get out of here. I'll cover for you.


Blue Bird: Sorry, I couldn't stand by and watch a young bird get eaten. How about I lay you a nice egg instead?


Pocket: What does she mean, she'll put my order on priority status?

Blue Bird & Pocket Dalek

Friday, April 18, 2014

The Dalek Easter Vigil


Yellow Bird: I'm going to peck the seed topping off this cake.
Blue Bird: That's not seeds. It's almonds and chocolate chips.
Yellow Bird: Wow, talk about a "Good Friday."


Later...



Artist: This cake looks too tasty to guard. I want to exterminate it. 
Exterminate it! 
EXTERMINATE THE CAKE!


Rex: Stop! You're blowing out the candles! 
Artist: Sorry. I'm overwhelmed with temptation right now.
Rex: By Davros, this is going to be a pleasant Easter Vigil.

Artist & Rex Dalek

Friday, March 28, 2014

How To Cook A Cyberman's Head


Pocket: Oh! Beware the Mutant Squash!
Denim: Danger Alert! Danger Alert! Danger Alert!
Pocket: Stand down, Private. I was just having a little fun.
Denim: So, if it's not dangerous, what is it?
Pocket: Let's see how it looks inside, and I'll tell you.



Pocket: Remember all those squash and pumpkin plants that Mistress grew last year?
Denim: Affirmative. She called them volunteers, because she didn't plant any seeds.
Pocket: Right. Remember the plant that had pumpkin-like leaves, but the only fruit that matured looked like a mutated Kobacha squash? This is that lone fruit. The interior resembles squash, but the seeds remind me of pumpkin seeds.
Denim: It reminds me of autopsy photos of a Cyberman's head.  
Pocket: That's unkind, Private. Besides, it's natural that a humanoid head would decompose under long-term Cyber-programming. 



Denim: Instead of slicing up those halves, we should have fitted them with outboard motors. We could have ruled Earth's waterways!
Pocket: Now you come up with a great idea like that? To quote the human spy Maxwell Smart, once again we missed out on the Dalek Domination of Earth…by "that much."


Denim: So, is ten minutes sufficient to cook a Cyberman's head?
Pocket: I'm warning you, Private. No more derogatory name-calling. 



Denim: Well, it's done. Now we'll see if Master and Mistress like the taste of mutant squash.
Pocket: First we must ascertain its flavor, and make certain it's safe to serve them. I want you to--
Denim: Uh, no thanks, sir. I really feel you should have that honor.



Pocket: Private, I order you to sample it. It's your duty to Master and Mistress.
Denim: With respect, sir, there's no way I'm going to taste a cooked Cyberman's head.
Pocket: Derogatory name-calling and insubordination? That's it, Private. I'm putting you on bathroom duty!
Denim: Oh! Beware the Mutant Squash…

Pocket & Denim Dalek